I remember hearing that said for the very first time on an episode of Sex and the City. Carrie was introducing her new boyfriend, Jack Berger, to Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte for the first time. The girls are discussing their love lives at some bar while Jack listens. Miranda tells about a recent date where she invited the guy upstairs, but he declined saying he had to be up really early. He kissed her twice and said he'd call her. Jack bluntly utters his opinion, "he's just not that into you." The girls argue with him about push/pull, guys are afraid of rejection too, yadda, yadda, yadda. Jack reveals the secret to men is that there is no secret. If they're interested, they say so by going upstairs and booking the next date.
I'm all for Jack's assessment of a guy's behavior on a date, but what about 10 or however many dates down the road when the guy loses interest? How about when they end a full blown relationship that's lasted months or maybe even years? Why is it that one day "he's into you" and the next day, "he's not that into you?" Now, I've been through my share of breakups, and I'll admit that after the initial shock wore off, I could objectively look back on most of them and see that there were warning signs. I just didn't want to see them. I'm sure there are many other women who've been through the same thing. All of a sudden, he's really busy and preoccupied. He's moody. He cancels dates you have planned. You just think your relationship is on such solid ground it's impossible it could be anything more than what he's saying. But it is. So, why, if it's so simple with guys, don't they just come out and say it? Yes, it's going to hurt the girl, and yes, she may cry, but you're a man aren't you? So be one.
I have also been through breakups where after that initial shock wore off, I could objectively say there was no forewarning. These are the really perplexing guys and situations. You're going along, talking all the time, getting closer and closer which leads you to believe he really likes you and then boom, nothing. I've always thought it was because the guy got scared. He's not ready for anything more serious with her or anyone, and he wakes up one day with the realization he's been getting close to a girl. Well, that just can't happen. So, what would be so terrible about telling the girl you like her, but you feel things are getting too serious, and it's not the right time for you? My, honesty, what a novel thought. It beats playing the games both genders play. Hmmmm.....how many days should I wait to call? How about as many as you want instead of as many as is necessary to throw her or him off. Why can't everyone just say and do what they want?
It is true that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. The most notable difference to me is how women like to talk things out, and men can't be bothered. I'm not criticizing men for that because I envy their ability to let things go. A lot of the time, women just can't. We need some sort of explanation for why things happened, some sort of that annoying word, closure. As we mature, we realize it's just not worth the agita to chase down a reason, but doesn't mean we don't wonder from time to time. Men letting things go makes them adverse to facing the girl of the moment when they want to end things. Hey, both sexes know each other to a certain extent, and all a guy can think of is how he doesn't want to deal with a crying chick. Isn't that why they ease their way out hoping she'll either figure it out herself or break up with him? I think so. Why can't we all be reasonable and accept our differences by meeting each other halfway. Hey, I promise not to freak out if you promise not to be a chicken.
